“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:2-4


I wish I were perfect. Too many times I look at my immediate situation and begin to hope for the future. Staying in the moment is difficult and frustrating. Escaping the moment can be detrimental if it's through a means that God isn't involved or hasn't achieved the purpose for which the moment was created for. I ask God for grace to bear the weight of the moment as He perfects me and brings peace and patience. God is always up to something, but He is more of a slow cooker than a microwave. We live in a culture of immediate gratification. You can literally order a full meal for a family and pick it up "at the next window, please". The Lord can free us and do things in any timeframe He chooses, but generally He likes using time. He could have created everything in a moment, but He chose days. He could have sent Jesus in the beginning, but He waited thousands of years. He could have spared Jesus life, but chose to let Him suffer and die before raising Him in 3 days. Embrace the wait.

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.”
Colossians 3:1-10 NLT


As much as I like to think I am fine walking in and working out my salvation, these verses remind me how far I have to go. They remind me of who I am and how I may not have made as much progress as I think I have. Simple things bind me. I am constantly battling the Lord over what I want in relation to what He wants. In my heart of hearts, I know and want to follow Him in every way, but I contend with my flesh that seeks to be satisfied. I'm thankful I am not the man I was when God found me. I struggled so much as I found His path. There were things I put down and then picked up time after time. I felt conviction for my failures but lacked the strength, knowledge, and in some cases, the desire to change. Even now, when I think back to primal me, I see the blurry but still recognizable man I was. “For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what
you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.” James 1:23-25 The mask I wear protects me from revealing all of who I was to people who may not be able to forgive that man.

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 NLT


There are times I say I have forgiven. But have I? I still harbor things in my heart that may not be Christlike. I may be waiting for something to happen to reveal others so that I can say, "See, I told you so." My heart is deceptive. At times, I literally force words from my mouth, hoping my actions will follow. I am so guilty of saying, "I forgive," but pursue a path to find fault in the one I say I have forgiven.
Lord, help me be who You have called me to be. Let me be aware of how You loved me enough to die to forgive me of every fault and every shortcoming. Let Your kindness to me set the tone for what my life is becoming. Even though I can't see the end of this road, help me walk it in peace with You and the ones I say I love. Forgive me for exalting myself above anyone else. There is nothing I can point out in others that I can't at some point see in myself. I need Your loving kindness and forgiveness. I need to extend that same love and kindness to those that you have placed in my path. Lord, teach me that Your way is a better way. Let me not hold on to expectations that You would think or act like me. Don't let me be judge, jury, and executioner of Your will. Let me participate in Your offering of peace for our lives.

“The father instantly cried out, ‘I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!’”
Mark 9:24 NLT

Where does doubt live? It lives in a place where there is little faith. Doubt is a normal part of the way God created us, and the way we overcome doubt is through faith. Evidently, it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. I've never moved a mountain so what does my faith amount to? I believe faith is grown through trust. If I can trust God with my doubt, He can move without my assistance. My doubt is what usually causes me to respond in a way that may be counteracting what God is trying to do. For example, if finances are tight, my response is to work harder or longer. While that may fix my financial issues, it comes at a cost for my family. I'm not saying that I don't need to work hard to provide for my family, but maybe I should be more careful about where I place my trust for provision. Maybe I need to pull back on my spending rather than increase my income. Doubt is overcome when we hear God say something and then it comes to pass. My problem is, I don't wait to hear God's voice. He proves Himself faithful when we see Him do what He says He will do. Each time I hear Him and then see Him do what He says, my faith increases and doubt decreases. I learn to trust Him. I am beginning to understand why "patience is a virtue". God moves in patience. Doubt would want me to take steps to do something God never ordained me to do. Waiting on Him to do what only He can do is key to overcoming doubt. When we read about creation, after each day, God looked and "saw that it was good". The only day He didn't say that was when He created man. On that day, He said "it was VERY good." On that day He created us with the ability to know and communicate with Him. Nothing else created on this earth has the choice to know God the way we do. Nothing else on earth has doubt about how He can be trusted for tomorrow. Yet we are the "very good" part of creation. We should trust Him with tomorrow because He is faithful.

“Then he said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?’” Luke 9:23-25 NLT

Giving away to find. That's a thought process that doesn't make sense until it does. At the moment, I feel I am in a constant state of losing. The more I try to process what's going on, the more confused I become. I am seeing and hearing things that I do not want to see and hear, yet they are there. My every thought is consumed by the what ifs. I am bowing and yielding to circumstances I cannot control. How do I let go of this life that has been oh so wonderful, and embrace the unknown? If I believe that God is for me, then who can be against me. If I believe His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, why am I consumed with overwhelming thoughts of failure. If God says He works all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, am I guilty of not loving Him because this sure doesn't feel like His purpose? Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Why can't my mind understand? His ways and thoughts are higher than mine. So, I sit and wait. I wait for God to move in and on me so that I can boast of His glory and so that I can take none of His glory for myself. I wait to see His wisdom and purpose revealed. I wait to see beauty from ashes. I trust Him.

“But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.” Matthew 5:44-45 NLT

Harboring unforgiveness is natural, especially when we feel like we are the victim. I also find it easy to take on the offense of another person. If I have a friend I feel is being wronged, many times I will pick up the offense and hang on to unforgiveness toward the one doing the offending. The biggest problem with that scenario is when the other people in the relationship work through it, and I don't. They may bury the hatchet, but I'm still swinging mine. The only way to not be offended is to be dead. That can happen in one of two ways. I can pray and ask God to help me die to my fleshly self so I can live and not be offended, because I realize my flesh is just responding to something it doesn't like; or I can let it eat at me until I die spiritually and possibly physically. Luke 12:13-14 says, “And someone in the crowd said to Him, ‘Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.’ But He (Jesus) said to him, ‘Man, who appointed me a judge or arbiter over you?'” Jesus wouldn't grasp onto choosing one brother over another. We should maintain peace in relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can't choose to be one way with one and another way with the other lest we become a liar to both.

“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

“O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.” Psalm 139:1-4

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’” 1 Samuel 16:7

“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2 NLT

My mind needs renewing. I've found myself filled with negative thoughts about myself.
It's strange how I've never had a negative thought about God. Not once have I thought He was bad, vindictive, or mean. My thoughts of Him have always been of His love, His joy, and His hope. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of times when I've harbored questions. There are plenty of times I have not understood what He is doing in and around my life. I've found myself arguing with Him. By the way, I never won a single argument. Why has it been my experience to find no fault in God? I think, possibly, I am really familiar with what the word says about God and His character. I believe what the Bible says about Him. On the other hand, when I find myself thinking negative thoughts about myself, I begin to wonder, do I really believe what God says about who I am? I can say it, I can quote it, but do I believe it. The pressure of the world and its opinion of me press hard against the perception I have of myself. I see God from the viewpoint of who He says He is in the word, but I have allowed the world to speak loud enough to influence the way I think about myself.
Lord, help me renew my mind and let Your words about how You feel about me prevail.

“The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: ‘I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.’”
Isaiah 57:15 NLT


I'm unsure of my humility. Sometimes, when I am in the presence of the Lord, I feel humble, but I fear that moment when it will be tested. I carry around a ton of pride. I find pride in accomplishments of all sorts. I find pride in my children, pride in my abilities, pride in my everyday walk, and pride in the way I choose to follow my Savior. The scriptures say that pride goes before a fall. Regrettably, there are times I've fallen and didn't realize I had hit the floor. Pride blinds me. It blinds me to the needs of others. It blinds me to my need for God. It blinds me to my own sin. Pride not only goes before my falls, but it also has the ability to keep me in the pit I've fallen in. My mindset must change. Being proud boasts of my own accomplishments and my own ability. Humility would allow me to see the truth. The truth is I am blessed because of the Lord's favor in my life. My choices should reflect the thankfulness of a relationship with the Lord of all the universe Who has chosen to not only take note of me but to thrust Himself into my
life with abandon for nothing other than His love for me. How humble should I feel that the King of all things known and unknown would choose to dine with me and care for me a sinner.

“Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
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This is the verse that came to mind as I began to think of peace. It's unthinkable to believe we can realize peace while a tempest rages in our lives. Only in Christ are we able to find the "peace that passes all understanding."(same scripture KJV). If Jesus can say "Peace, be still" to a storm and have it obey, He can do the same in the storm in our lives. In John 14:27 Jesus says "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." As I read those words, I trust that He is not just saying them to the disciples, but He is having that conversation with me. I sometimes get caught up in reading the words, but not letting them live. The words Jesus spoke transformed the lives of the disciples. They are meant to transform me as well. If Jesus said it, I can believe it.
Lord, help me know peace that only comes from You. Let me trust You in spite of what I see.

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you. Then Moses called for Joshua, and as all Israel watched, he said to him, ‘Be strong and courageous! For you will lead these people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors he would give them. You are the one who will divide it among them as their grants of land. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.’” Deuteronomy 31:6-8


I never want to let "never" rule me. I'm guilty of thinking things will never get better. I've thought I would never be able to achieve some of the things I have achieved. I've thought at times that some things will never change. Never is a fear. Saying "never" is simply bowing to a circumstance. The disciples dealt with a huge "never". When Jesus was crucified, they thought they would never see Him again, at least not before they met Him in the place He was preparing for them. That "never" caused them doubt about everything they had seen and experienced in the previous three years. They never thought He would be raised from the dead. They never thought they would walk with Him again. They never thought He would continue to teach them. They never thought they would have the power to continue His ministry. They never thought they could do the things He did without Him physically being with them. They never thought they would change the course of the world. I'm impressed with what God has done with something that they "never" believed could or would happen. I'm no different than the disciples. There are things I forfeit to the word "never". My prayer is that God takes my "nevers" and gives me faith to believe for the "impossibles."