PALMS UP. OPEN HANDS

“Then he said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?’” Luke 9:23-25 NLT

Giving away to find. That's a thought process that doesn't make sense until it does. At the moment, I feel I am in a constant state of losing. The more I try to process what's going on, the more confused I become. I am seeing and hearing things that I do not want to see and hear, yet they are there. My every thought is consumed by the what ifs. I am bowing and yielding to circumstances I cannot control. How do I let go of this life that has been oh so wonderful, and embrace the unknown? If I believe that God is for me, then who can be against me. If I believe His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, why am I consumed with overwhelming thoughts of failure. If God says He works all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, am I guilty of not loving Him because this sure doesn't feel like His purpose? Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Why can't my mind understand? His ways and thoughts are higher than mine. So, I sit and wait. I wait for God to move in and on me so that I can boast of His glory and so that I can take none of His glory for myself. I wait to see His wisdom and purpose revealed. I wait to see beauty from ashes. I trust Him.